Bad Choices

Tonight, my son made a bad choice. He was playing with his younger brother who is only 5 months old, which they both enjoy very much. While playing, big brother decided to spit on baby brother. In his innocence, he didn’t see anything wrong with it. However, it was a bad choice.

I happened to see him do it and immediately called him on it. Of course, he burst into tears, knowing that while he was not intending to cause harm, he made a mistake. I sent him to a

chair in the corner while I took his brother and gave him a bath, also wondering what I was going to do with him.

In his mind, he probably knew that spitting on the baby was not good. But he was genuinely sorry for making the mistake, which was evidenced by the tears he was spilling.

In the corner, I heard him say, “I’m bad!” through gasping breaths.

Later, when everyone had calmed down, and after I had explained to him why spitting on people isn’t very nice, I assured him that everything was going to be OK. He apologized to his brother (who at five months old doesn’t know anything that’s going on), brushed his teeth, and got in bed.

Bedtime is sacred in our house. We refer to it as “snuggies.” We say prayers, give hugs and kisses, and every now and then, strike upon great theological issues.

“I’m bad for spitting on him,” he whispered.

“No. You are not bad. You just made a bad choice,” I whispered back. “We all make bad choices, but that never means that we’ve lost God’s love. God will always love us, just like I will always love you. Even I make bad choices.”

“Like what?”

(Confession time.)

“Well, last night I was on my way home from a trip and I was going too fast in my car, and a policeman pulled me over and gave me a ticket. Now I have to pay the fine for driving too fast. That’s my punishment.”

“What else? What other bad choices have you made?”

I shared a couple more with him. He smiled, understandingly.

We all make bad choices, some intentionally and some unintentionally. When we feel the sting of those choices, we can feel alone and isolated. We can begin to see ourselves as “bad.”

However, as part of God’s creation, none of us is “bad.” In the beginning, God created and called us “good.” In God’s eyes, that’s all we are.

I kissed my son’s tear-stained face and told him he is forgiven. God forgives him and I forgive him. As one who has experienced the pain of bad choices and one who has experienced forgiveness of those choices, what else could I do but extend the same grace to my little boy?

I was overwhelmed by this mundane circumstance and realized how these types of things are anything but mundane. God says to each of us, “You are not bad. You are forgiven.”

You are not bad.

You are forgiven.

Healing Power of Forgiveness

How many times should we forgive? The Bible says something like 70 times 7 times. That’s a lot. It’s easy to forgive people for things like saying something mean, or giving a dirty look, or even cutting you off in traffic. But what about the BIG stuff. Can we forgive someone who has stolen from us, violated us, killed someone we love, or has cheated on us? 

There’s no easy answer to that question. And there is no quick fix. Forgiveness is a process. But I believe that the only way can start the road to forgiveness is by either experiencing such forgiveness ourselves or by hearing other people’s stories of forgiveness. 

Check out the short essay recounted on NPR’s This I Believe. Jennifer Thompson-Cannino was raped by a man she thought was Ronald Cotton. She picked him out of a line-up in order to get justice. Cotton served 11 years for this crime until DNA evidence was found that he was innocent.

God calls each of us to reconciliation. How can these two ever hope to reconcile? Click here and listen. 

Ashes, ashes, we all…

…grow up!

Today I’ve been reflecting on Ash Wednesday that took place yesterday. When I was at St. Peter’s in Savannah, the rector, Sam Buice, my friend and mentor, decided to offer the Imposition of Ashes in the afternoon for anyone who might not be able to come to the 10:00am or 6:00pm service. This service would be brief, but meaningful. And another bonus to offering it was if people didn’t come, we would have that time set aside for our own personal time to sit in the silence and prepare our own hearts for Lent.

So I’ve been in the habit of doing that, so coming to St. Nicholas, I decided to offer the same and see if people would take me up on it. I also encouraged the time for people to come and do the Rite of Reconciliation of a Penitent and explained the importance of confession. I set two chairs up behind the altar rail, grabbed my purple stole, and even sparked some incense to get myself in the mood. I said my own prayers, sat in the silence, and listened to God’s voice, as still as it tends to be. 

And a part of me felt like I was growing. It was marvelous.

But that’s not all! About 45 minutes into my time, the door opened and someone came in to receive the Imposition of Ashes. Soon after, someone else came in. Later, I could hear people waiting outside to come in. Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed and almost 20 people came in to pray, confess, and sit in the silence. And another cool thing? People of all ages came!

And we all grew. God, with mercy unbounded, enveloped that place with love and grace. People were absolved, reconciled, and sent out as new creations. As the prayer at the end of Reconciliation of a Penitent says, “Now there is rejoicing in heaven, for you were lost, and are found, you were dead, and are now alive in Christ Jesus our Lord” (BCP p. 451).

Later that night, we had our regular Ash Wednesday service, and a great crowd gathered there, too. 

And we all grew too. 

It was a wonderful start to a beautiful season of Lent. Thanks be to God!